Thomas had a small himalayan salt lamp that was the one and only thing that gave him light inside his most hellish earthly hours
He sat with me during our Back2Roots Retreat at Sargood, our first ever adaptive Yoga and Meditation retreat.
His eyes, speckled with the kind of flecks only an oracle of other realms contains, always seeming to behold me and at the same time something far beyond me. I wondered what he could see.
I kneeled next to his wheelchair and he explained gently.
There was a moment in time when everything changed, a tiny seed of suspension in space, where a truck came crashing into his car and severed his cervical spine in two, he told me. In that moment he lost ~
the physicality of his legs and function of his trunk
life as he had known it, in its entirety
Thomas handed me the lamp and reassured me
this gift was for me and him both
once upon a time he lost everything. With this gift, he could be fully
From the fullness of the life that has been for the last while
full body yeses, and internal corridors filled with the marrow of mother nature’s most luscious sense candy, full participation in sleepless excitement, and fuller than full humanness with equal measures of wild fruit and waterfalls, as dirt and disaster..
Thomas gave me the gift of his emptiness.
After a long period of richness ~ oaring the earth of her densest parts of life, I realised my present life has hit a time of being overgrown with yesterdays and last week’s and last decades experiences.
At certain times in all our evolutions, life speeds up and we can get so overtaken by the fullness of majestic forests, that if we don’t stop to ~ pause, digest, metabolise and empty ~ fullness over time begins to sprawl into archaic ruins, and over more time, shroud all our deep, unconscious psychic sites.
Periodically, it’s necessary to do some sweeping to make space where wild nature can thrive better, just like taking out the trash and recycling our organic waste.
Presence can so easily be camouflaged amongst our overgrowths , filtered through past lenses, especially where quarters served their weight in wonder, once upon a time . But better that we weed inside our moments, clearing out intrinsic templates, to a find full body empty(?!).
The invitation is to open our eyes and encounter whatever is here Now. Then see what’s under it, and what’s under that, and what’s under that until one day we see it All the way through.
Adyanshanti says that an immature lover endlessly mistakes the experience of falling in love, the first blush of lust that is the by-product of the heart’s first discovery, for that which is truly there to be discovered. And only an immature realiser endlessly mistakes the first feeling of fullness as finality, needing life to feel like a ‘YES’ or ‘YUM’ all the time.
Sometimes we feel like a real disaster.
And if we are full we can’t join with what life is presenting, which is the seed of our freedom…simply joining with whatever life presents.
And so we cycle back from closed fists, clutching onto all the earthly gems and jewels, softening back to open palms, open vessels, by emptying inside our moments and clearing out intrinsic templates.
A sweet reminder to me and you to detach from all the majesty, forever moving freely through, but never ever ours to keep. Then maybe new seeds can seep into, embed, retreat and fertilise a newer way of life from empty, spacious corners of our deepest, darker, psychic threads.